I shouldn’t be too general, after all, I did see a tourist wearing a pair of bright orange pants walking downtown a few days ago. Hence, we at Think have decided to have a little bit of fashion education for all you readers, and it’s not going to stop at the stuff you put on yourselves.
Garishly coloured clothing
I understand the need and, one might say wish to look like a Paul Smith model, but you really don’t have the right cheap copies nor the looks for it. Just because you’re wearing a patchy shirt with different colours doesn’t make you fabulous. Check the label. At the same time, not everyone can carry off a Paul Smith. Stick to colours you’re used to, and try something fun once in a while. But try on clothes that don’t have the same colours as a CWO overall.
Everyone has a different style, so experiment and see what you like. That applies to women and men. Mix something simple with something complicated, so it’s not too much, or too boring. Bold colours go with bold shoes. The few basic tenets of dressing. At least if you do get a few snickers for poor colour coordination, you know you have a great pair of shoes.
It just makes people want to barf. If you’re twenty, act twenty. Not twelve. Even though you probably have the intellectual power of a five year old. Believe me, if you think acting cute is going to get you a nice guy, you’ve been watching one too many gay Japanese movies. A few days ago, my friend tried to get me to do some errands for her. Unfortunately if there’s one thing I cannot stand, it’s whining. And durian. I ended up having to pay for a ripped cushion because of that shrill sound she emitted.
It’s important for you, the act-cute person, to understand this: acting cute doesn’t help to salvage the sad sad past that you have. I empathise with your depressing childhood, but it really doesn’t go well with the men. Boys are another matter. So unless you prefer to be celibate for life, find a new act.
Your house looks like crap
I’ve had friends that tried to live like Japanese; but seriously, minimalist is not the word of choice for their apartments. Cheap and empty come a lot closer. You could hear echoes in the house! Maybe it’s a music thing, so that you can have wonderful accoustics to listen to, but you’re doing it at the risk of never having any friends, family over strangers over. “Where should I sit?” “On the floor please.” “Put my drink?” “On the floor.” The only thing you couldn’t do was relieve yourself on the floor.
Then there are the houses who have everything. They’ve bought everything on eBay, Yahoo! Auctions, and the karang guni man who visits once a month. And the worst thing is, they put their junk everywhere. As if crap all over the place makes a good installation art. If you ask them where they got the inspiration for their decor, they’d tell you it’s fusion style. Like fusion food, East meets West.
Today’s styles are often bold. But being bold is to make your own statement. It requires you to have some idea first, not just toss your furniture like some Chinese-English salad and hope it looks great. Too many bold things spoil the effect too. Just a great wall and maybe interesting armchairs will do.
Here’s where it gets sensitive. Everywhere in the world, people think they look cool with their hairstyle. What they don’t realise is, all those people on TV with the funky hairstyles were intended to have a look. Besides, you see bad hairstyles even on TV, let alone off it. Have you seen Fann Wong’s shampoo ad? I mean, if ever there was an intention of bad advertising, that was it.
Not everyone can carry an afro, or dreadlocks, or look like Queen E. Try out different styles, different lengths, and remember to show yourself to potential dates only when your hair is presentable. Your hair is the most important accessory of your life. Even if you don’t have any. In fact, that’s a fashion statement right there.
I don’t think I’ve met more than 5 women in my life that were happy with the size of their melons. They’re either too small or too big. And while many men might like big melons, beyond a certain size, they just start to look ridiculous. It’s really all about proportion, not immensity. And despite all those ads about increasing your breast size by massaging, I really don’t you’re achieving anything more than touching first base with yourself.
We also don’t need to see them all the time, so you can stop trying to dress like Britney “I’m-a-slut” Spears. Sometimes it’s all about covering up that makes taking it off double the fun. The trick is to hint, not show the entire world your 34D’s.
Well, obviously this isn’t exhaustive; I could go on for days about poor taste. Just try to remember this important fact: bad taste ain’t gonna get you laid. You’ll probably avoid being a fashion disaster then.
Illustration: Petra Charlotte Fennone